crowed

welcome readers & writers! many thanks to Brian Potopowitz and Bess Weatherby for writing such great posts in response to brian's intriguing photo yesterday.

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it's spoof saturday, and being that it's also election season (and politicians are constantly on the radio and tv crowing about their awesomeness), i think it would be fun to write some spoofs on political ads. my only request is that we not use the names of real candidates or actual political parties/movements :) play nice & have fun! click on comments below to share.

Suz E. Kew for President (of the Cookie Bakers Club of America)

Last month in Wichitaw, Kansas alone an estimated sixty dozen cookies were baked and consumed. But I ask you, just how many of those cookies were made from scratch? My opponent will tell you that women are too busy to make real cookies anymore. She'll try to convince you that cookie dough in a tub, that [shudder] slice and bakes, taste just as good and are as wholesome for your children as homemade. But I've been baking cookies for twenty-five years and I'm here to tell you, they're not. My opponent is wrong. Those fancy women with their big, important jobs and their well-paid nannies and their specialty cupcake shops and their crystal cookie trays are wrong. Nothin' but good home cooking, and home-made cookies will do. You betcha. Don't let them fool ya. Stick with me and we'll keep the dreams and recipes passed down to us from our grandmothers, er, those things alive.

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I'm Suz E. Kew and I approve this message.

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write with me?

formulated

welcome readers & writers!  thanks to filmguy & chuck galle for your story on yesterday's photo, and to krowles1981, cjohnson, and chuck galle for your new additions to thursday's post, illumined.  

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it's spoof saturday! time for a little silliness and fun. check out some other spoof saturday fun by clicking here, here, and here. today's spoof saturday assignment (we need to make use of these very cool aprons): write me some recipes for disaster.  click on comments below to share them with your biggest fan (that's me!).

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here are a few from my recipe box:
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How to Make a Spot on Your Lovely White Shirt
ingredients
1 white shirt
spaghetti with red sauce
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directions
Bring the two into close proximity.  Ruin shirt.  
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How to Make Mama Pull Out Her Hair
ingredients
3 boys, varying ages
1 dog
snacks and sweet treats
1 minivan
1 map, marked for thirteen hours of driving
stack of dvds
1 dvd player designed to break after a few trips so you have to buy a new one
1 iphone
1 Radio Shack in the middle of nowhere
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directions
Pack until two a.m. The next morning, put boys and dog in minivan - begin driving and mix well. Toss in snacks and treats.  Spin dvds in player until player won't work anymore. Try to convince boys to read books, play old fashioned car games or sing old fashioned car songs. Plug ears to drown out fighting and complaining. Use husband's iphone to locate nearest Radio Shack. Drive half an hour out of the way to said Radio Shack. Buy new device. Repeat.
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How to Lose All Confidence in Your Writing
ingredients
one query letter which has been kneaded, formed, tenderized, coddled, chilled, baked and glazed
one online agent with a site called "query shark"
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directions
Send letter to this Shark person for feedback. See Shark rip it to shreds. Try to piece back together, only better. Send to Shark again. See Shark rip it to shreds again. Read 47 comments on Shark's site, most of which take the shredded pieces ripped by Shark and rip them into tinier pieces. Cry. Put letter away for one week. Try again. Only this time, don't send to someone called 'Shark', dummie!      
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thanks, friends!  come write with me :)

corrected

welcome, readers & writers - it's spoof saturday!  here on write away every day we try to have a little extra fun and laugh a bit on saturdays.

today's spoof saturday topic:  politically correct kids stories. there are published volumes of stories like this - lots of fun. let's give it a try ourselves! pick your favorite kids story or fairytale and politically correct and/or modernize the language. you might find this website (politically correct terms) helpful. have fun...  

here's mine:

Snow Caucasian was a lovely young chronologically challenged sovereign who lived in a very large house along with her ugly aesthetically challenged stepsisters blended family members.  Snow Caucasian's father was dead metabollically challenged, having left her only the cold comfort of her evil socially maligned stepmother blended family female parent.

In her youth, the socially maligned queen female sovereign had been lovely.  Now she required weekly injections of Botox and multiple plastic surgeries to stave off the wrinkles.  She abhorred wrinkles. The female sovereign tended to function in a stable manner as long as her magic mirror reflective, shatterproof, acrylic panel said she was the fairest female person in the land county.  But when the reflective shatterproof acrylic panel named another, the female sovereign flew into a rage an imbalanced state of negative emotion and sent her guards to usher the lovely maiden unmarried young woman to the next county.  Either that or lob off her head perform euthanasia on her.  

Over the years Snow Caucasian evolved from being a pretty little girl to a smokin' hot aesthetically pleasing female person.  One day the magic reflective shatterproof glass named Snow Caucasian as the fairest in the county.  The female sovereign sent her guard to do away with Snow Caucasian, but Snow Caucasian was so smokin' hot aesthetically pleasing that the guard couldn't hurt her.  He took her to the county line where she found a room for rent in a cottage California ranch style home with seven dwarves vertically challenged male people.  She cooked and cleaned for them. She accepted a position as their domestic engineer.  

When the female sovereign found out that Snow Caucasian was still alive she flew into a rage lost control of her emotions (again), and, disguised as a toothless dentally impaired old woman senior citizen, fed a poison apple toxic Acai berries to Snow Caucasian.  The berries put Snow Caucasian into a deep sleep profound state of unconsciousness until a male sovereign from the neighboring county found her, kissed her, helped her kick her stepmother's hiney overcome her blended family issues.  Now Snow Caucasian is the female sovereign of her county and the shatterproof reflective acrylic panel has been destroyed donated to charity.  Snow Caucasian plans to age embrace the passing years gracefully and to love the skin she's in.

come write with me!  can't wait to see what you come up with - just click on comments below to share it.

indisposed

welcome readers & writers! my thanks to Jessica Lemmon, C Johnson, De Langer, Dudley and Ordinary Saint for your great posts yesterday, inspired by Mark Webber's awesome photo. now that photog friday is over i'm excited to get in touch with Mark so i can ask him what the "real" story is behind it.  

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today is spoof saturday. i'm a sickie today - those back to school germs finally caught up with our family this week. so i'm going to make my contribution short & sweet. you writers, however, should feel free to write as much as (in whatever format) you'd like.  my idea is not very spoofy today, more along the lines of shared wisdom. what do you do to feel better when you're sick? what is your prescription for comfort and healing?  click on comments below to share.  

here's my get well fast regimen:

1.  mint green tea with honey

2.  sleeeeeeeep (when possible - over the sound of hooligans alternately playing and throwing shoes at one another's heads)

3.  a good, lighthearted book.  for me today it's chick lit: i'm nearing the end of Madeleine Wickham's the wedding girl.  lots of funny, sweet moments.  tomorrow it's back to War and Peace or The Grapes of Wrath, whichever strikes me.

4.  i'm a big fan of crackers, ginger ale, and chicken noodle soup.  unfortunately these are not stocked in the house, so will need to persuade hubby to make trip to store.  me thinks he will go because he can be very sweet sometimes.

5.  movies.  again, laughing is important here.  it may be a double header - Meet the Parents, Meet the Fockers day.  but only if said hooligans are otherwise occupied (these films are definitely not for children).

6.  count the blessings.  thankful for the luxury of being able to be sick and rest, to have help herding hooligans.  thankful for good health generally.  as i get older i realize this doesn't last forever.  thankful for said hooligans and ginger ale getting hubby.  thankful for my extended family and friends.  thankful for the reading and writing community we're building together on write away every day.   

thankful for YOU! be well & come write with me :)  

inked

welcome readers & writers! it's spoof saturday on write away every day :) time for some light-hearted fun.  click here, here, and here if you'd like to read some past spoof saturday silliness.  

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before we get to spoof saturday, though, let me welcome our new followers (welcome) and thank yesterday's writers - krowles1981, Chuck Galle, and Theresa Milstein - (thank you) for your awesome stories, inspired by Laurie Millar's photo. it was great to write with you!

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this festive building here in austin caught my eye partly because it's so colorful and fun, but also because i'm flirting with the notion of a tattoo for my next birthday (turning a tattoo worthy age). let's imagine that sideshow tattoo has some stellar artists on staff but wants to hire a writer as well, one who will pen words as innovative and colorful as the images they put on folks. let's say you writers are auditioning for the job with two or three of your best tattoo words or phrases. feel free to describe the art part of the tattoo as well if that helps, or you can leave the art to the artists. here's my stab at it:

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1.  old, but not past the expiration date (i imagine these words inked in small circle with my birthday numbers inside. it would look like a grocery store stamp)

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2.  oh bother (an homage to pooh bear, of course)  

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3.  bluebonnet bliss (with a bouquet of flowers for the next miss texas - it might have to go on her bummy, though, b/c i'm pretty sure they're not allowed tattoos) 

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send in your tattoo writer audition piece by clicking on comments below 250(ish) words or less. enjoy!

anticipated

welcome, welcome readers & writers. it's spoof saturday! we take things a little easier on saturdays (or at least we try to have a little laugh). to see other spoof saturday fun, click here, here & here. 

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went to the movies with my hubby recently and saw this amazing film. i love getting to the theater early enough to see the previews/trailers for upcoming films. so today, let's write movie trailers! sky's the limit - they can be based on a made up story/movie idea, on your own life, or the life of a character you've dreamed up. here's mine, based on my novel: 
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She was a GEN X girl stuck in the pristine past [montage of girl dressed in proper 1950's attire reading a vintage advice columns from miss manners]. 
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She wanted nothing more in life than perfection [video of girl on someone's front porch, ringing the doorbell, then noticing a run in her stockings and doing a crazy dance to get them off before the door is answered] AND to be a world renowned home decorator [video of her showing off beautifully decorated room]. 
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There's only one problem, her life is a mess [montage of her in her ugly, messy apartment]. Now, she's got the chance of a lifetime [video of girl shaking hands with posh woman, obviously successful magazine editor].
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Can she pull her life together [montage of her crying over a photo of her grandmother, hobbling around on crutches, in a closet with boxes falling on her, helping drunk father to lay down on sofa] in time to catch her big break? 
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Maybe with a little help from her friends [montage of vintage "ghost" advice columnist, beautiful japanese au pair laughing over blueberry pancakes, boys varsity soccer team painting a room pink, handsome handyman giving her a kiss]. 
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Starring Emma Watson, Justin Long, Keiko Kitagawa, Thomas Sangster and Nicholas Cage. December 2014.   

come write with me! 250(ish) words or less; submit your spoof saturday piece by clicking on comments below.  enjoy :)

prepared

happy spoof saturday, writers & readers! thank you, cgalle, for yesterday's story. be sure also to see the new story sent in by Pauline in on on slanted. on saturdays we take things a little bit easier around here by writing on the lighter side. you can read our other spoof saturday fun here and here.

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being as it's back to school season for kids, teachers & college students, a lot of folks have school supplies on the brain. what about a supply list for the "school of hard knocks"? here's mine. show me yours? 250(ish) words or less by clicking on comments below. come write with me! 

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school of hard knocks

supply list

crash helmet

extra thick skin (at least ten sets, seven layers each)

dark chocolate

exact change for toll roads

sunken bathtub

witty comebacks to deflect the deranged

lock pick set (includes 3 brothers)

dustin hoffman

good books

good music

good friends

improved

happy saturday, readers & writers! i'm celebrating today because yesterday was awesome: we pulled off our first photog friday - with great posts from de langer & filmguy (thanks guys!). and we hit a big landmark yesterday, 50 followers. of course i had to beg, borrow and steal to get the last few followers to join and bump us up to 50. susannah, being #50, you win a prize, message me. write away also gained a new poster who submitted stories on earlier prompts. welcome amy!

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it's spoof saturday. so today will be about self-help spoof writing. again, we approach the topic with all due respect to authentic self help authors; as you can see i'm a fan of the genre and have, at many times throughout my life, found help, shelter and solace in the wisdom of others to be very, well, helpful. come write with me by submitting your self help spoof below. click on comments - 250(ish) words or less.  let's have some fun! here's mine: 

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The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Naggers 
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So you wish you could nag better. If only the sound of your voice could be more grating, the quality of your guilt-inducing stories just a bit more nuanced. If only you could get an eye roll every time you open your mouth. You've come to the right place.  The seven habits of highly effective naggers can and will change your life forever.  First, an overview. There are half-hearted naggers, who pull out "the tone" from time to time if they feel they must. Then there are the guilty naggers, those who regularly try to stop nagging, or at least they think about it a lot. And then there are the dedicated naggers, committed naggers (and proud of it) who have perfected their craft and put control freaks everywhere to shame; these are what we like to call, highly effective naggers, or H.E.N.s.

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HENs: 

1) love too much. 

2) don't know when to stop.

3) wouldn't stop even if they knew how. 
4) preach much, much more than they practice.

5) practice how to preach (in front of a mirror is best).

6) repeat themselves as much as possible (did you get that?)

7) repeat themselves as much as possible (i said, did you get that?) 

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If you practice these steps every day, you too can join the ranks of poppin' proud H.E.N.s.Guaranteed or your money back.*  *offer not valid in the contiguous united states.

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i need all the help i can get on a variety of subjects, so i'm looking forward to reading your advice, spin on the photo, self-help books and/or the genre in general. chop! chop!