happy saturday, readers & writers! i'm celebrating today because yesterday was awesome: we pulled off our first photog friday - with great posts from de langer & filmguy (thanks guys!). and we hit a big landmark yesterday, 50 followers. of course i had to beg, borrow and steal to get the last few followers to join and bump us up to 50. susannah, being #50, you win a prize, message me. write away also gained a new poster who submitted stories on earlier prompts. welcome amy!
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it's spoof saturday. so today will be about self-help spoof writing. again, we approach the topic with all due respect to authentic self help authors; as you can see i'm a fan of the genre and have, at many times throughout my life, found help, shelter and solace in the wisdom of others to be very, well, helpful. come write with me by submitting your self help spoof below. click on comments - 250(ish) words or less. let's have some fun! here's mine:
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The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Naggers
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So you wish you could nag better. If only the sound of your voice could be more grating, the quality of your guilt-inducing stories just a bit more nuanced. If only you could get an eye roll every time you open your mouth. You've come to the right place. The seven habits of highly effective naggers can and will change your life forever. First, an overview. There are half-hearted naggers, who pull out "the tone" from time to time if they feel they must. Then there are the guilty naggers, those who regularly try to stop nagging, or at least they think about it a lot. And then there are the dedicated naggers, committed naggers (and proud of it) who have perfected their craft and put control freaks everywhere to shame; these are what we like to call, highly effective naggers, or H.E.N.s.
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HENs: 1) love too much.
2) don't know when to stop.
3) wouldn't stop even if they knew how.
4) preach much, much more than they practice.
4) preach much, much more than they practice.
5) practice how to preach (in front of a mirror is best).
6) repeat themselves as much as possible (did you get that?)
7) repeat themselves as much as possible (i said, did you get that?)
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If you practice these steps every day, you too can join the ranks of poppin' proud H.E.N.s.Guaranteed or your money back.* *offer not valid in the contiguous united states.-
i need all the help i can get on a variety of subjects, so i'm looking forward to reading your advice, spin on the photo, self-help books and/or the genre in general. chop! chop!
if i told you being locked in a library is scary would you believe me? i'm not sure what makes spending the night, surrounded by shelves and thousands of books, so much like a horror film. maybe its the darkness and creepy feeling of not being able to find the light switches. or maybe its the fact that im trapped in the nonfiction section and cant find a way out. im sitting here... feeling closed in by all these books that have no characters or plots or feelings. i feel like they are forcing me to improve. improve myself, people i love and care for, the whole world, everything around me.... and yet they are just pieces of paper stuck together and stuffed with facts. so as i sit here, mind wandering, back aching, heart sinking, and eyelids getting heavy, i begin to hope ill learn to love nonfiction books by morning.
ReplyDeletePARENTING 101
ReplyDeleteNote to self: fear begets fear... for you. Never show fear to your child because your fear is weakness and begets WDS. WDS affects 5 out of 7 children and is currently the number reason most parents prefer tequila to a nice workout and a nap.
WDS -- World Domination Syndrome
First recognized and defined in the late nineties by H. L. Phulofstf, WDS is now accepted as the greatest threat to parental control and supervision. The usual triggers are "parental fear", "suger high", and "all-day-video-game-brain-exploditis". WDS affects most children but begins at sometime before twelve months and persists until around age 24.
Parents are best advised to avoid showing fear, nap when stressed, practice a stern look, and to watch a lot of Eastwood and Bronson videos to build up bravado. Bravado is the last stand of a WDS assailed parent, but is effective is 30% of cases.
Finally, the use of tequila can mask the effects of WDS. Please note: tequila should only be administered to adults. It is illegal to serve children alcoholic beverages.
--- brought to you by the WHO, in concert with PofWDS and the Humane Society
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ReplyDeleteAnd because we know how much you want to be "it" to everyone else, we'll even throw in our latest title, "Superhuman in 1 Week or Less".
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